The Nanny Diaries
Well, if it wasn't clear before, it's clear now: Corinne is this season's MVP. Clearly, she's the villain this season (especially now that Liz is gone), and for good reason.
One minute she's a cunning, horny, manipulative, assertive vixen and the next she's an overgrown woman-child who can't survive without nap time and her nanny.
I'm getting ahead of myself.
We left off last week with Nick having confirmed with the ladies that he's a man whore and an annoying To Be Continued... The consensus? No one cared. Cool cliffhanger.
Cocktail hour commences and Corrine attempts to reenact Varsity Blues. When flashing Nick her nipple and allowing him to lick Reddi Whip off her tits doesn't result in on-camera fornication as planned, Corrine runs upstairs crying, decides it's all too much, and literally goes to bed while the rest of the ladies act like they give a fuck.
Rose Ceremony time (carried over from last week). Nobody worth mentioning goes home.
Next morning, a group date card arrives—and so do The Backstreet Boys. I was a little taken aback by the girls' reaction to these guys. I mean, sure, it's The Backstreet Boys, but consider this: 1) One of these guys was born in effing 1971, which means is he 46 years old. That's old enough to be some of these girls' dad. In addition, some of these girls were literally born when The Backstreet Boys were just getting started. In any case, "Backstreet's back" and this time, the ladies and Nick will be joining them for a performance THAT NIGHT.
Corrine isn't good at "planned dancing"... (wait, isn't there a word for that? Like choreography?) and again starts crying because this means her future marriage to Nick is down the drain. As is Jasmine's career as a professional dancer, given that she doesn't win the date. Instead, Backstreet chooses Danielle L., a nail salon owner, as the official "winner" of the performance. She "wins" a slow dance, junior high style, in front of everyone to "I Want It That Way." Kill me.
Night portion of the date can be summarized as follows: Corrine makes sure to "Make Corrine Great Again," takes another nap in some random room, then shares that she misses Raquel. Her nanny.
That's right. This 24-year-old grown ass woman has a nanny. Does she have kids? Nope. What she does have is millions of dollars to burn, and someone whose "happiness" is defined as cutting vegetables and making cheese pasta and lemon salad for a fucking 24 year old. And who is she to deny this woman's happiness?
Jasmine's mind is blown and #imwithher.
Because what exactly IS cheese pasta? Is it like...macaroni and cheese? Is it literally pasta with cheese on top? Is it noodles with some butter and parmesan? What the hell is lemon salad? (Literally, Google 'lemon salad'. ZERO hits.)
Corrine is definitely going to be around for awhile. For sure until the top four, if you ask me. I totally get the girls' disdain for her and wondering what Nick sees in her as she compares to others, but there's just no way we won't get to meet her millionaire family or see Raquel in the flesh. She's not going to win. *Then again, we said that about Donald Trump and look where we fucking are now.* (Note: this is the second Trump likeness.)
Danielle L. gets the rose.
Vanessa gets the one-on-one this week and she and Nick went on a "vomit comet" date. In case you don't know what that means, they went in one of those zero-gravity planes. Poor Vanessa actually vomits, multiple times. I couldn't figure out why they kept flying around and pausing to puke, instead of just letting the poor girl get out? Sadly, I don't have much shit to talk about this date. I found Nick to be endearing while she was puking her brains it, albeit how disgusting it was to see them making out post-hurl with the added commentary of "still tastes fine." Vanessa is over the age of 25, seems normal and nice, and quite honestly, I don't know what she's doing here, but I like her, and so does Nick. But...what was he crying about?
The next group focuses on a track-and-field competition because when you dance with the Backstreet Boys, you have to balance that shit out with some manliness (or something). The only things I remember are as follows:
1) Astrid's boobs were out of control.
2) How fucking gross are you to get in a hot tub WITH your workout clothes AND a hot guy,
3) Why does Dominique think that hating on Nick for not being a mindreader would be a good move? Bye... and
4) I wish I could walk over and pull Alexis' head up from where it always sits, which is nestled deep within her should blades. Chick has TERRIBLE posture. Also, stop trying to make "bitches" happen. Jesse Pinkman cornered that market.
At the POOL PARTY (instead of cocktail party), Corrine is back with a "sneaky surprise" for Nick. Although, is there anything LESS sneaky or surprising than a huge pink and purple bouncy house in the front lawn?! For the second time today, she tries to fornicate with Nick, this time while the girls look on. Nick claims the reason he likes it is because it's "fun" and you need to have "fun" when you settle down with someone for life. Last time I checked, dry humping is not fun.
After Nick jizzes in his swimsuit and Corrine goes upstairs for yet another snooze. (Sidenote: are her naps really naps? Or is she passing out? She's been hammered pretty much every night so far.) The girls all question Nick and his intention's with Corrine. We all know how well it usually goes when girls talk about other girls, but I, for one, loved it when Vanessa turned the tables on Nick, and said she didn't care about Corrine, she cared about Nick. AND that if he was looking for someone to fuck around with, he could take his rose back. DAMN. I knew I liked this girl!
Another "cliffhanger" this week, but here's where I'm at with my current rankings:
Top 4:
4 Rachel/Taylor
3. Corrine
2. Vanessa
1. Danielle L.
What were your thoughts/reactions?