To The...Volume 2
Happy Thursday, folks! It's an especially happy Thursday for me. I have about 2 hours of work today, then we are headed to Wrigley Field for our company outing. On Friday, I am headed to Denver! I'll be meeting 4 of my BFF's and my sister to celebrate on of my dear friends' bachelorette. It should be a weekend filled of fun, sun, wine, penis memorabilia, Wiz Khalifa and a little game called "Dick Head Hoopla."
Are you jealous? Get excited for my weekend update!
Anyway, I've conjured up another list of revelations (or rants, whichever you prefer). Without further adieu, I bring you "to the," numero dos.
To the...
Guy on the train with his bike. You have a bike...but you're on the train. What's wrong with this picture? BYE.
To the...
Woman with a permanent scowl on her face. I'm sure there is more than one of you in this world, but I'm talking to a specific gal who had the most unpleasant look on her face the entire time she was on the train the other day. Honestly, it looked like she was smelling the worst fart in the world. Take it from someone who is consistently told to smile more: Smile more.
Source: VHl. No clue who this is but her scowl sucks.
To the...
Hairline of Teresa Giudice, of the Real Housewives of New Jersey. I'm new to your franchise, and I'm fascinated, not just by the show but by YOU, hairline. I've never seen anything like you. You're hideous and hilarious all at once. Another inch, hairline, and you become her eyebrows. I can't understand, but please, remedy yourself.
Source: thismonthonly.blogspot.com
To the...
Girls out there who are dressed to the nines when going to the gym.
When I go to the gym, I grace everyone with the privilege of seeing me in some type of Lycra, a giant t-shirt that likely belongs to my husband, three sports bras, and my hair back, in a sweaty mess (yes, I sweat on my way TO the gym, SHUT UP).
So to you, chick with your hair "casually" curled in a "messy" ponytail that fell "just so" over your shoulder, in the trendy neon v-neck that showed just enough of your boobs to make me wonder if they were real but to let me know that you were NOT wearing a sports a bra, complete with a fresh face of make-up: Stop it. You're ruining it for the rest of us.
To the...
People who let their dog crap on the sidewalk...and then don't pick it up. You're sick. Do better. That was a contribution from my bestie, Britt. You're welcome.
To the...
Concept of time.
I have none. So please, slow down, and give me some time to catch up.
To the...
People at Bic, who thought Bic Pens 'For Her' were a good idea.
You're a bunch of D's. One 'breemeup,' took the words right out of my mouth in her review, which was voted 'most favorable' on Amazon.com:
“Finally! For years I’ve had to rely on pencils, or at worst, a twig and some drops of my feminine blood to write down recipes (the only thing a lady should be writing ever). I had despaired of ever being able to write down said recipes in a permanent manner, though my men-folk assured me that I “shouldn’t worry yer pretty little head”. But, AT LAST! Bic, the great liberator, has released a womanly pen that my gentle baby hands can use without fear of unlady-like callouses and bruises. Thank you, Bic!”
Source: Amazon.com
And finally, To the...
Spanish woman who disfigured a century-old “ecce homo” fresco of Jesus.
You are in idiot and this is literally the dumbest thing anyone has ever done. My husband showed me this article when we—I—was watching "Bachelor Pad" the other night. When he saw a contestant, Jaclyn Swartz, he said she looked like the botched Jesus. Here's a comparison:
I mean.
That's pretty freakin' hilarious. So lady, you're dumb, but thanks for providing entertainment for the rest of us. Check out this link, too. You're welcome.
Who should I include in my next "to the" series? Do you agree with today's choices?