Monday Revelations
I always come home with such a heavy—yet happy—heart when I come back to Chicago after a visit home. Even though I'm a writer by trade, I find it difficult to put into words certain feelings...
The way my heart swells when my 18-month-old niece calls me by my name, and runs to give me a hug. The way it feels to hear my 5-year-old niece say "I wuv you," when we're leaving. How happy it makes me to see how much both nieces adore my husband, the way he is with them, and how excited I am for when we have our own little for him to adore. How comforting it is to sit around the dinner table with my entire family, enjoying a glass of wine and catching up on life. How excited I get to enjoy happy hour with my girlfriends, or spend the day with my best friend. How much I'll miss one of my dearest friends and her little one when they move to Taiwan. How sad I get each time I leave all of these wonderful people.
A lot of people tell me how lucky I am that all of my family lives in one place, and I agree to some extent. But the problem is, it makes it difficult to feel like you're spending enough time—quality time—with everyone. Especially since my parents are divorced. As soon as we plan a weekend home, I get excited, but, almost immediately, I get such anxiety.
Suddenly the weekends and holidays become scheduling dinners, coffee, visits with my mom, my dad and stepmom, Bryan's parents, my friends, Bryan's friends, Bryan's sister & her family, my sister(s) and their family. It's a lot. And honestly, I do try to keep the perspective of this being a good problem to have. After all, I am blessed to have SO MANY people to see. Better that than to have no one, I know. And I appreciate. It's just something I always struggle with. At 29 years old, I still cry almost every time I leave home.
Anyway. That about sums up how I feel on this Monday evening. Tomorrow is a new day.
The way my heart swells when my 18-month-old niece calls me by my name, and runs to give me a hug. The way it feels to hear my 5-year-old niece say "I wuv you," when we're leaving. How happy it makes me to see how much both nieces adore my husband, the way he is with them, and how excited I am for when we have our own little for him to adore. How comforting it is to sit around the dinner table with my entire family, enjoying a glass of wine and catching up on life. How excited I get to enjoy happy hour with my girlfriends, or spend the day with my best friend. How much I'll miss one of my dearest friends and her little one when they move to Taiwan. How sad I get each time I leave all of these wonderful people.
A lot of people tell me how lucky I am that all of my family lives in one place, and I agree to some extent. But the problem is, it makes it difficult to feel like you're spending enough time—quality time—with everyone. Especially since my parents are divorced. As soon as we plan a weekend home, I get excited, but, almost immediately, I get such anxiety.
Suddenly the weekends and holidays become scheduling dinners, coffee, visits with my mom, my dad and stepmom, Bryan's parents, my friends, Bryan's friends, Bryan's sister & her family, my sister(s) and their family. It's a lot. And honestly, I do try to keep the perspective of this being a good problem to have. After all, I am blessed to have SO MANY people to see. Better that than to have no one, I know. And I appreciate. It's just something I always struggle with. At 29 years old, I still cry almost every time I leave home.
Anyway. That about sums up how I feel on this Monday evening. Tomorrow is a new day.